Building A Community

Oliver is attending kindergarten at the brand spanking new Brass City Charter School (forevermore known as BCCS). I love the school for its vision, philosophy, teachers, administrators, the director and I want to say "progressive thinking." But is it really  "progressive thinking" when a school needs to, in its mission statement, state the importance of parents being involved in their child's education?

Think about that for a moment. 

Remember back to your childhood, I would wager a guess most of you can remember one or both parents (or grandparents or caregiver) making sure you did your homework. You can probably remember your parents trying to help you on a tough math problem or listen to your oral book report on A Wrinkle In Time* to make sure it was at least three minutes long. (Never a problem for me; I've always been rather verbose.) You can probably remember your parents coming to a school play or band concert or open house.

People want to say that the lack of parental participation in today's society is because both parents work. Both of my parents worked. Both of most of my friends' parents worked. 

People want to say that it is because there are more single parent households. When my mother died, I lived in a single parent household, and my dad (and Auntie Em) came to as many things as he (they) could. (Which was most everything. They even came to see shows that I stage managed or assistant directed when I attended university and/or worked in NYC.) I had friends who lived in single parent households and their parents managed to participate in their education.

So, why can't today's parents, who are dealing with the same things our parents dealt with 30 or 40 years ago, participate in their child's education?

This is a tough question and many people have many answers but here is my $.02 on the never ending conversation. (A conversation which is much like The Neverending Story, but severely lacking Falcor the Luck Dragon. Honestly. There should be more Luck Dragons in this world.)

I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of community. A lot of people, around my age (37 in a week!) and younger, have lost a sense of community; have lost a sense of what it feels like to be a part of something bigger than themselves. Most of us don't go to church (just a statement, no judgement here); most of us don't belong to a service organization (like Emblem, The Shriners, The Knights of Columbus, Eastern Star, The Elks) because we are busy AND because the organizations are mostly filled with people 20 or 30 years older than us; most of us don't even know our neighbors' names and would never think of knocking on their door to ask to borrow a cup of sugar.

Now to tie this back to my family, since our "discovery of the world" is the main focus of this blog.

About a month ago, before school started, BCCS had an open house pot luck dinner for the students and their families. It was a NIGHTMARE. There were way more people than the board of directors expected. It was a HOT August evening and we were in a church basement that, of course, had no air conditioning. There were packs of wild children running around the hall with no supervision. (Honestly. They nearly knocked me down three different times.) There weren't enough tables and chairs set up. There were two tables of (nut laden) desserts and very few side dishes. People had to wait in a HUGE line to register or pick up medical forms or something--I'm not sure because I minded Oliver while my hero of a husband waited an hour in the line. (Note: I minded Oliver. He did not join the pack of wild children. He didn't even ask to join them. He did say, however, "Momma, those kids are too loud!!!") People also had to wait in a HUGE line for the food. And when the director tried to speak, the adults wouldn't shut the F*** up so she could be heard. 

It was a frustrating experience that was partly because the planners of the event were not expecting so many people and partly because of the heat and partly because of lack of respect or a lack of not knowing how to behave in a community.

Because, like it or not, the parents, students and administrators of BCCS are a community. We are "a group of people . . . having a particular characteristic in common." In theory, we enrolled our children at BCCS because we want a better education than we think the public schools of Waterbury can provide. (To be fair, however, Oliver had EXCELLENT teachers in both pre-k 3 and pre-k 4 and those were public schools.)

Now, how to get us to start ACTING like a community? The kids, actually, are fine; friendship and community come so easily to young children. It is the adults that need to get their act together.

At the first PTO meeting, when asked what a PTO was for, most of the answers were negatively geared toward complaining or griping about something at the school, or complaining and griping about something to do with their particular child. 

Maybe it is because of the Parent Leadership Training Institute (PLTI)** class I took two years ago, or maybe it is because of who I am but I firmly believe in trying to put a positive spin on things while speaking in a public forum. So, I stated that I think a PTO is a place where parents can participate in their child's school; a place where we can advocate for all the children at the school; a place to plan fun activities for our children and how to raise the funds to accomplish such activities; a place to discuss changing or adding school policies. (Yeah. Sorry. That sentence got away from me.)

This is all new. This is new for me since Oliver has never been in kindergarten before. This is new to all of the BCCS parents and admins because the school is new. New, new, new. A fragile new community walking on new baby legs. (Like young Bambi walking on ice.) How do we become tighter? Better? A shining example for our children? (Is that too much to expect?)

The answer might lie in one word. . . FOOD!

I've emailed and talked briefly to the Director and hopefully the (not-yet-really-existing) PTO can plan a nice family gathering for Thanksgiving Time. Nothing too fancy, we can still keep it pot luck (with a HUGE emphasis on NO NUTS), but have the parents RSVP and give a head count and say what they are bringing via a Google form. (Please, no more two tables of desserts. . . because at a Thanksgiving Pot Luck it will all be pumpkin pie!) This way, we'll be better prepared and we can enjoy ourselves and meet the other people in this new, baby community.

Baby steps. Baby steps in the right direction.

I'm looking forward to this brave new world and I will fight until the end (when the kid done with 8th grade) to make it work.

(I'm also looking forward to reading your comments.)

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*Ok, that is my particular memory. I must have given an oral report on that book every year, starting in 2nd grade. Of course, each year they got better. I even gave an oral presentation on the book in university. I'm a bit obsessed, can you tell? If I could get my Ph.D. in "Madeleine L'Engle Studies," I'd jump on that bandwagon in a heartbeat.

**EVERY parent in Waterbury needs to take this 20 week class. It opened my eyes to so many things that are available to the children in this town that people just don't know about. It made me become a better public speaker by making me think before I speak. And, most importantly, it has made me adopt an "attitude of gratitude," more so than ever before. I will admit, however, I'm a terrible PLTI graduate--I never completed my project. I'm still working on it, though. Honest.